I’ve always
had a love-hate relationship with my body. I've always thought I was fat , which
in hindsight is hilarious especially when
I look at my photos two years ago .Why you ask?
because back in 2011 I wasn't as chubby as I am now. I can hardly look
myself in the mirror because I can barely recognize the body form that stares
back at me. I watch my svelte friends who are fitness freaks with envy and wish
I had the same discipline and will power that they have .
It looks so
easy , all I need to do , sign up to a gymn, pay for membership, change my diet
eat healthier ,but I get caught up in a self-inflicted vicious cycle of feeling
sorry for myself. Sorry that my favourite jeans don’t fit anymore, sorry that I
cant seem to find the time to join a gymn or exercise at home, sorry that I cant
get up in the morning and go jogging, sorry that I have to constantly hide my
bulging tummy (no im not pregnant) and I
eat some more! I hate looking at my photos, when people tell me I look great I don’t
believe them! Unfortunately there are more negative comments than positive ones
from those around me , you know how it goes;
‘ hi how
have you been? Wow you have added so much weight ! marriage has been good huh? ‘
‘Have you
joined a gymn”?
“ Congratulations! Are you pregnant?”
And the
winner : ‘You have grown so fat that your
face has swelled up and your eyes can barely be seen’
I can laugh
now but before those comments cut me deep like a knife, keep that in mind the
next time you feel the need to comment on a friends ‘ weight. You do not know their journey you dont know their pain , be nice J
How did I get
here ? Who implanted those thoughts of self-loathing in my mind? Why is it so
much easier to put myself down than embrace the new curves and bulges? I pray I
win this battle within myself soon , before the day God blesses us with a child
and I unknowingly pass on to them the pressure to be thin, the lie that you
have to be a certain size to be considered beautiful.
This is not
a pity party , this is me sharing my battle within myself. One day with God’s
help I shall be victorious I will begin the journey to fitness and health at
the right time and I will appreciate and love my body through
every season.
