Its hard to explain the battle/turmoil that goes on ,on the inside.maybe its part of the human condition who knows..I just know that its a phase, a road i have travelled on ever so often. It begins with happinness finding something that gives you hope and awakens your will to live.It excites you and entices you and you respond to it and begin to dance to its tune.You smile and laugh more, the darkness lifts and your heavy heart begins to soar ,enjoying the miracle of life,relishing every moment ,looking forward to the future and the road ahead as it beckons you with open arms..And then one morning you wake up..and the joy is gone, the numbness sets in, and you begin to sink into the darkness..the all too familiar experience of coldness within ,despair and sadness your will to live begins to wane..you long to cry, you ache to scream but nothing comes out, an opportunity to find release is witheld from your reach..where to go, who to turn to what to do? will this cycle never end? will the sorrows ever trully go away?
Just when i begin to loose hope and im begging for the light in my life to permanently go out, a light creeps in through the mist..Its my father reaching out, he annoyingly still fights for my soul, he never allows me to stay under in my corner of despair and self pity..he uses people,their words and actions, to show his love ,and slowly the ice surrounding my heart begins to thaw..The warmth of his love draws me closer , and in his still small voice he says 'my child i love you, i never left, you moved away,i wont promise you that it will get easier but i promise to always stay with you,holding your hand.You just need to let me'
so i choose to stand, i surrender my heart, my broken dreams,my unspoken thoughts,my wounds and scars to his feet..he gave it all for me.And in those whispered words, in the unyielding promise,i find stillness, i find refreshing, i find peace, i find Serenity.