Finding Serenity

Finding Serenity

Its hard to explain the battle/turmoil that goes on ,on the inside.maybe its part of the human condition who knows..I just know that its a phase, a road i have travelled on ever so often. It begins with happinness finding something  that gives you hope and awakens your will to live.It excites you and entices you and you respond to it and begin to dance to its tune.You smile and laugh more, the darkness lifts and your heavy heart begins to soar ,enjoying the miracle of life,relishing every moment ,looking forward to the future and the road ahead as it beckons you with open arms..And then one morning you wake up..and the joy is gone, the numbness sets in, and you begin to sink into the darkness..the all too familiar experience of coldness within ,despair and sadness your will to live begins to wane..you long to cry, you ache to scream but nothing comes out, an opportunity to find release is witheld from your reach..where to go, who to turn to what to do? will this cycle never end? will the sorrows ever trully go away?

Just when i begin to loose hope and im begging for the light in my life to permanently go out, a light creeps in through the mist..Its my father reaching out, he annoyingly still fights for my soul, he never allows me to stay under in my corner of despair and self pity..he uses people,their words and actions, to show his love ,and slowly the ice surrounding my heart begins to thaw..The warmth of his love draws me closer , and in his still small voice he says 'my child i love you, i never left, you moved away,i wont promise you that it will get easier but i promise to always stay with you,holding your hand.You just need to let me'

so i choose to stand, i surrender my heart, my broken dreams,my unspoken thoughts,my wounds and scars to his feet..he gave it all for me.And in those whispered words, in the unyielding promise,i find stillness, i find refreshing, i find peace, i find Serenity.

Psalm 43:5 (New International Version, ©2010)

 ⁵ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.

Images of him

So day two.. this blogging thing is becoming like a bowl of strawberries drowned in whipped cream..a treat i look forward to.Im still in bed on a friday morning enjoying the break from work after having surgery two weeks ago...surgery...why you ask ? Thats a story for another day.. anyway so where was i ?yes images of him..The man my heart yearns for..over the years i have come across many theories that speak against finding the one.but as i get to spend more time with God im learning about his nature and how deliberate and specific he is about everything that happens on this great planet.Look at the story of creation in Genesis...he could have chosen to bundle all the creatures into one species ,one group, it would be so easy but instead he took the time to create..carve each and every living being, plant,sky,sea river,rock,down to the very last ant.Does that sound like a person who leaves things to chance? He could have picked out a helper for man from the animals he had already created but he chose to fashion eve from Adams rib...why didnt he just say let there be woman?...in my mind it is clear that he wanted us to realise that there is that one who was fashioned to fit; Into out story ,into our hearts into our very soul. ..and so the quest continues many endless days and nights human beings  wonder when he /she is coming ..we get into relationships that end and leave us jaded,bitter confused with so many questions..its happened to me too many times.and everytime that happens i run back to his feet and ask ..why? and he whispers into my ears it wasnt him..not yet my child..not yet...and i smile ..because in my heart hope refuses to die ,i have seen him reach out to me in my dreams, i have inhaled his very scent,heard his laughter felt his touch..he is the one God is preparing for me..for he is the creator he knows our innermost thoughts ,i  trust him to lead me to the right person at the right time..i will not conform to what the world says relationships should be, based on passion, attraction, economic stability and status..i want the one who looks into my eyes, hears me even when idont speak, holds me when im weak, calls out the woman i was created to be, deep calling out to deep, soul calling out to soul.I have seen glimpses of it, felt it ,touched it ,closed my eyes and enjoyed it.He is close, theres joy in my heart, excitement in my spirit, the journey is not over it is only beginning  ...

The journey

so im finally making my first post , hmmm its taken me a while to do this .Talk about procrastination but its definitely a step in the right direction.Ive always wanted to be a writer, so much goes on in my head its usually like a musical production up in there. when things are happening around me and my emotions cannot be expressed i always ache for achance to sit down with a pen and paper and jot down all my feelings.through that act i have always experienced release, freedom, joy.Its difficult to then post the same thoughts for the world to see for that means you are exposing a part of you to the world .That fear is what has held me back, but no more.There is a reason God gave me the ability to write and for as long as im alive im going to share ny thoughts and experiences with you.For who knows as i begin this journey i may just find what it is my restless heart yearns for.and so it begins